I’m the mother of an adult daughter who told me many years ago that she’s gay. I know and really love her partner and they live close by so my husband and I see them a lot. Lately, however, I’ve become aware that most of my friends have grandchildren and, to tell the truth, I don’t know if I ever will. This makes me really sad, but I don’t want to pressure my daughter and her partner about it. What to do?
-Madeline, Newtown, PA
First, I want to acknowledge and commend you for the relationship you have built with your daughter and her partner. It is so important that you have gone even beyond mere “acceptance,” into the love and support you demonstrate by seeing them often. And, it demonstrates your sensitivity that you don’t want to pressure them about grandchildren. I also want to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and longing for grandkids of your own. These are very natural and understandable feelings to have. It sounds like you have not had any conversations with your daughter about children, so it may be that she and her partner are just waiting for the “right time.” They may even have already looked into options such as adoption or artificial insemination. Whatever their ultimate decision, it will be important to them, and to your relationship, to continue to maintain the loving support you’re already providing.
I’m very glad that you reached out to Dear Ally for help. There are organizations for parents and families of LGBTQ children, and you might want to connect with someone via www.pflag.org. Jewish Family and Children’s Service has a parent mentoring program and you can speak anonymously with another parent of an adult LGBTQ person by visiting www.jfcsphilly.org.